all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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