she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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