is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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