Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize