OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
