There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
