He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
