my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
