i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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