someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
