I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
