I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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