dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
