Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need moral support for this bender
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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