i think my mom watched the whole time
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
