Im at strip club and am horny
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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