Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
