So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
