I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
