what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
