Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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