My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
