btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
