Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
