I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
