I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
