So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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