Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
