awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
