he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
