I just pynch a tree in the face
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
