I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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