Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
