so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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