Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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