Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
