never play flip cup with pint glasses
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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