She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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