just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
