Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
