I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
