Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
