There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
