Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
