This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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