Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
A+ Viking dick
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