BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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