i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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