i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The air was thick with penises
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
