Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
