if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
