I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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