Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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