True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is the high leading the old right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
