Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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