Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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