would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize