I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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