Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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