Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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