Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
