i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
