I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
