Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
