he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just high enough for therapy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
