Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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