Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
