Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
