i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
