with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
