Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
