My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
