i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
