Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
