ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
where are my eyebrows?
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