what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
