Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
